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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I decide to stroll along the Douro River. The view is insane! The Ribeira on the other side, all colorful and lively. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing, though, because it’s just typical Vila-Nova-de-Gaia weather. One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s a monsoon.

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